Dore Talk

I thought it was about time I wrote and explained my interpretation on my daughters final transition from her learning difficuties through the Dore Programme now she is 22 month post Dore.

Leila had many learning problems prior to Dore but was never diagnosed with a learning difficulty, this made trying to find help for her difficult but I did find Dore which was to change all that finally. We did not know what would happen during her treatment we had no one to compare Leila to, it was only a belief in Dore itself that we continued day in day out with the exercises. I had to learn as we went along, it took Leila 7 months to show a change and most of it was to do with co-ordination and balance.Once Leila had been on the treatement for a year and she commenced her mental tasks this was where we saw the most change and this was finally to give me an answer to what Dore are trying to do and how it can totally change  a child out of all recognition from a child who had so many difficulties prior o Dore and was to aid Leila's tansition to finally discover her own potential.

You have to understand Leila's main area which worried me originally and how this affected her ability to be able to function normally within school, socially and coping with life itself. I used to say it was as though she had autism but was never diagnosed with it. Periods of being a  world of her own, unable to comprehend what was going on around her and unable to interact with peers or adults. I used to watch her in the playground with her few friends talking to her and I could see she did not understand a word they were saying. When we commenced Dore most of those we met had dyslexia and none of the symptoms that Leila displayed so we were in the dark as to how much they could help her.

The commencement of the mental tasks were to change Leila out of all recognition and was to give me an answer finally for what her main issue was. It all became apparent one day on the way home in the car, Leila started relating a memory she had of a holiday two years before and how she had enjoyed it. I suddenly realised that Leila had never spoken of the past before, actually if you asked her what she had done at school that day she could not remember. She had no memories of yesterday, last week a month ago etc. These are the memories which shape the way we are and how we become. We learn at school and from our life experiences, but if you have no memories of those events then how can you possiably mature into happy, confident and secure adults.

This was the turning point for Leila and I came to know it as the lifting of "the fog" which had been apart of her life since birth. It not only affected her memory but also her abilites to interact with life around her. She was unable to comprehend how to function normally she could not remember days of the week, time or retain the information given to her daily. Nothing really had any real meaning for her it was all too confusing so she would slide into a bubble of her own where she felt safe and secure from the woes of the world outside of it. Once the fog began to lift she was finally able to converse on the same levels as her peers, her social life took off and she remembered what went on yesterday, the day before etc and was able to retain it. Her confidence soared in all areas and she went from being ungraded in all subjects at school to level 3 across the board in 9 months.

It was a revelation for me to finally find the reason for a lot of her problems and made me aware that many of our children have the same issue, the Dore Centers call it "Kicking In" but to me it was the lifting of "The Fog" which clouds their brain and hinders their ability to learn at school and to reach their full potential. 

For all those undertaking Dore at the present time be aware of the issue which you see in your child which you can't quite understand what it is that hinders their progress in some areas of their life. Do not worry because it will be sorted with Dore and suddenly you will have a realisation as I did of what it is "The Fog". Ellie XXX

hi ellie, this is such a touching story and will give many many people hope, many will see what u have said is what their child/children are going through and even adults, thank you for sharing ur story with us all, take care kayc

Wow

Did not know I had posted the full transcript here but at least everyone can read it or for those that already have can see it again Tee Hee!!!!

Was it in August I wrote it still stands today as it did then!!!! Ellie XXX

Good afternoon.

 Thank you for sharing your story, I identifyed with the situasjon of my child not remembering. We are new at the program and this gives us hope

Ria

What a fantastic result. My son is 1 week into the programme and it is difficultt getting him to do the exercises, but once engaged he is fine. I had faith in the programme after having read Wynford Dore's book in May 2007, but felt my son who was nearly 7 then was too young in his attitude to complete the programme. Your success with your daughter gives us huge inspiration congratulations in giving your daughter a future.

 I am pleased "the fog" helps you and gives you some faith in the programme, I posted it over 3 years ago but it stands the test of time and is relevent today as it was then. There is another one I wrote that will help parents to understand the changes their children will go through as they progress.I have seen many a parent in dispair because they could not understand the changes taking place and worried that their child was going backwards instead of forwards. I have added that one for you just keep it and remember it because you will need this one in the future. Ellie XXX

Our childrens brains have over the years developed coping strategies to enable them to function as best they can with the result of their inmature cerebelums. They commence the Dore treatment which can finally mature the cerebellum so that it can pass those functions on to the appropriate parts of the brain it should have done by the time that child was 7.

But the brain has already got those coping strategies in place and has got used to functioning at that level even if it was never perfect. Suddenly we are saying that is the wrong way and to do it this way, causing confusion for brain,child and parents. They go through periods of rebellion, progress seems to go backwards instead of forwards, increase of their original symtoms, even though you thought they had been sorted and generally a real worry that the the programme is no longer working.

But they are all part of the progress they have to go through to enable them to finally function as normal children /adults. We are having to strip those coping mechanisms away to enable those neural pathways to be built before the brain can can fully develop the way it should.

We all know no one likes change when we have got comfortable with a way of doing things and the brain is no different, the coping strategies rebel against the new way and causes an increase in their old symptoms and also they can become hypersensitive and can cry for no reason at all. But once those changes start to really take hold then the brain realises it is actually more natural and finally starts to function as it should.

This is part of the puzzle now in place which leads to the development of the next piece of the puzzle and so on until the picture is complete. The child and brain is now able to function normally and to develop leading our children from childhood into adulthood.

A laymans way of explaining it but for me it makes it easier to understand what is going on, you will notice the progression phase more in the mental tasks because the treatment is finally bringing all those pieces together of the jigsaw puzzle to become permanent. The greatest changes in your childs development will be visible at this time even if it seems like a constant fight, all part of their transition into the light as I call it.

Hope this helps you to understand Ellie XXX

 

Dear Missellie,  I am reading your two wonderrful posts for the first time.  My son is entering his 6th week on the programme and I am so glad to see your childrens' wonderful progress.  Also it is good to have the warning that it may not go smoothly and to have the explanation for it.

You are an inspiration!

 Tina.

Thank you Tina I hope it does help you in the future, I had not seen them for a quite a while but they do come out now and again, because they are so relevent.

Having an insight into what was happening with Leila before and during Dore was a great help, I knew how she was suffering because I saw Leila as I was as a child takes one to know one as they say!!!!! I had learned to cope with my difficulties by developing the coping strategies all our children do. I thought I had mastered mine until 3 years ago. They came back to bite me during my Distrct Nursing Honours degree, I had to give it up after a year because all those coping strategies disappeared and I was struggling as much then as I did as a child. I went for dyslexia testing and found I am in fact dyslexic. 

It has taken me those 3 years since to get my life back on track, but only those coping strategies are keeping me afloat, I still have the cerebellum development delay at the route cause of my difficulites, so I too would benefit from Dore but I will concentrate on my children first and then put myself through it as well eventually. Ellie XXX

Hi Ellie

I was recommended to read your 'fog' piece by Harry's mum and I am so pleased I did.Leila sounded just like my son Morgan.Morgan is just 9 and has been on the programme since august.The reason we chose Dore was because noone could help us and it looked like Morgan was not gonna get an education because noone could get him to show any interest or understanding of what was going on.Like Leila ,he cannot tell us what he has done at school(he can't remember!)and  he often retreats into his own little world where he feels safe and secure.When he started school he was the most popular child because he was funny and loved kicking a ball around,but as the other children matured Morgan didn't move up with them.They wanted to play football properly or play other games with rules and he just couldn't, so whilst they still like him he tends not to get included as much, which has knocked his confidence.He was diagnosed with receptive and expressive language problems but was refused a space in the local language unit because he was too behind in his school work.We have been told he defo isn't autistic ,dyslexic , dispraxic or ADHD, but it isn't just his language thats the prob!!! It has confused us so much so we decided to take control ourselves and do something positive.So here we are with Dore.

It was so great to read about Leila's success,and also to read about what happens when the cerebellum starts to work.Morgan has definately had some rebellious moments and its so reassuring that its all perfectly normal.Hopefully when we have completed the course, I can be the one to offer support and stories of success to the next Dories!!

Thanks again for a wonderful story

Sarah

Sarah - so pleased the piece helped. Ellie has great insight and knows a lot about the workings of Dore. Harry was also very like Leila pre-Dore, now both are learning well.

 This is really strange? this morning I was talking to a counseller/psychologist friend of mine, We are hoping to start counselling sessions here locally for the whole family unit who may have a wide range of problems including learning difficulties, ADHD, autism etc etc. I was telling him about Dore and my daughter Leila, how she had struggled prior to Dore and how it had finally given her a life for the future without "the fog". He got really excited and said we would have to use my experience with Leila in our lectures.

I came home and found the E-mail from you Sarah, I have not been on the forum for ages, but I am always here for those who need me and want advice, Leila is now 14 and is just like any other teenager thinking of boys and considering what career she would like to follow as she starts her GCSEs We would not have had this normal life without the intervention of Dore.

Good luck with the future Sarah you know both myself and Bugalug have been through all of this and have come out the other side, keep on with the exercises and have faith that your son Morgan will also benefit from Dore helping him to finally be able to reach his full potential, any problems or questions just send me an e-mail. Ellie XXX

Welcome to Sarah and Morgan and good luck with the programme. Have not been on the forum for a few weeks- couldn't face going on, things have not improved at this end with J- the programme is definitely working, but as he is becoming more aware it is more difficult to get him to do the exercises. there never seems to be a good time to do the exercises- stopped the morning ones because I thought they were making his behaviour at school worse, but then he is too tired when he comes home to fit 2 lots of exercises in before going to bed! We have only been doing one lot of exercises some days because things just got out of hand trying to make him do two lots. We had lots of comments from school about him disrupting the class etc, the Ed psych has been in twice and the speech therapist and school support worker to check that the curriculum is set at the correct level for Jordan (his homework is now been differentiated to the correct level, he has had a couple of pieces of his work displayed at school- so the school are trying, but unfortunately a day is a long day fo children that struggle with every element of the curriculum and it gets worse as the week goes on!). I feel so guilty that I can't enforce the two lots of exercises except at the weekend when there is more time and it does not matter about the moods- I feel like I am letting Jordan down. Is there any one out there who has been through similar experiences on the programme. On the positive, when he does the exercises he can do them better than the rest of the family, he is definitely more creative, making models, colouring, cutting out all the time, focusses for a lot longer than he used to (at home- not sure about school),questioning lots more things, talking more clearly, better understanding of games (cards, word games), super fast at training running backwards,forwards, sideways (Still struggles with the actual game and what his team mates expect from him and where to pass the ball in such a quick situation- he wants to be more independent but there is still that element of no fear. Next assessment 22/12/09 (last one 4/7/09, probably too big a gap!)   Tracey

Hi Tracey - sorry to hear you're having a rough time - I know you're not alone. That is what was nice about the old Dore, the regular assessments helped to keep on track and someone independent telling the child how important it was and to show them their report where they are improving.

What does he do when he gets in front school - what does he like doing? We always insisted on exercises before play, and after a bit of sulking, he always agreed (not always with great enthusiasm - and sometimes a bit of shouting - not good - but at least they were done!) I was lucky as Harry is quite an easy-going child, but unfortunately that is why he never got the help he was entitled to because he didn't regularly kick-off in school, but sat quietly doodling. Perhaps you can also introduce a rewards system - someone on here gave their daughter cash, not always a good thing I know, but it worked for them and they bought a Nintendo DS when they had enough saved. Harry loved a chart, and even now loves praise when its given.

Good luck!

Hi Tracey

Morgan also hated to do his exercises and 3 xs a week he has to get to school to start at 8.30, so it was sooooo stressful.But I did hit upon the idea of his guinea pigs needing to learn the exercises too, so now we have a guinea pig watching each exercise and Morgan does it no probs! Though I also like the idea of paying him to do it, so if the guinea pigs wear thin I think I will do a star chart and award pocket money if he does them.

I found it all very hard to begin with, especially when he was shouting cos he hates it , but I know that he will thank me in the future when he is all grown up and that is what keeps me going.

I agree that the gap seems too big between assessments and my next one will be 5 months also, but I am sure if you want to talk, you could always phone and ask their advice.,

 I have felt so much better since coming on to Dore talk because you realise you aren't alone!! 

Good luck

Sarah

Hi Tracey, hi Sarah

Also keep in mind that the exercises can make the children feel "peculiar" and they can be very stressful for them to do - which is all good because it indicates the wiring in the brain is changing.   But if you're wondering why they fight so hard against balancing on a wobble board or tossing a bean bag back and forth that's the answer.  When things got very stressful with my son (and boy, did they sometimes!) I tried to take a deep breath, stay calm and commisserate with him.   A hug also helped from time to time and I found it got him back on track much more quickly than yelling or threatening (and there was a lot of yelling and threatening at times;-)).    Daniel is finished Dore now, but knows it helped him immensely and will acknowledge that while still saying he absolutely hated it.

Good luck!   MACC   

 

Hey MACC - good to hear from you. For the record, I couldn't have gone through Dore alone either. I used to come on here daily and other forums (before DoreTalk came along) and met lots of other mums going through the same thing - we still keep in touch today. Its nice to speak to others who have children with similar difficulties. I have even met up with a couple and the boys got on famously.

Hi Tracey,

I think at one time or another we have all experienced the highs and lows of our children's behaviour whilst coping with everyday school life,Dore etc etc. Have you thought about asking school to do the morning ones with him.? They could get more involved and take some of the pressure off you at home. Maybe they could start a special reward 'swings and roundabouts' programme for him eg, Dore exercises = merit points and good behaviour = merit points. They could give him lots more responsibility to make him feel more important/ respected by others and raise his self esteem. It could be carried on at home with a home/school log book for him to present every day. Probably better then an IBP.  He is more aware of his place in the pecking order now so being busy won't present the opportunity to 'play up', Play times could be filled with 'help the teacher' or in other areas of the school until he realises that it's more 'cool' than misbehaving. He knows he will get the negative attention and at the moment it's better than none but it's a cycle that has to be broken. Sorry don't have all the answers just some suggestions, hope it helps.

 PS, Stuff the academics for now it sounds like it compounds the problems anyway. If you can iron out the behaviour and raise the bar soon, when Dore really kicks in he will be ready ( and willing ) to learn. Good luck and stay in touch. You can send pm's if you don't want to post.